Remembering the Pillars of Faith

I’ve started running again. No—not on the crazy streets of New York (be honest, you were thinking of emailing or calling me to tell me that’s not safe…) As a student, I have free access to the University gym, and while it may not be the most state of the art gym (at least that’s what people tell me), it’s great for me. As long as I time things correctly (i.e. get there by 7 a.m.), I can get a treadmill and run. I’m working my way upwards in terms of distance and did 4 ¼ miles this morning. Running on a treadmill provides a very tangible gauge of progress—you can see when you are able to run faster, farther, …
I say all this not just to ramble, but because I find when I’m running that I often come up with some profound thoughts. I’ve heard people say the same thing about ironing (though I try to stay away from that one if possible). Somehow, even as I’m trying to make my body push through its momentary discomfort, my mind finds a way to think outside of the limited set of topics it is afforded by virtue of classroom demands.
And so it was this morning while I was running, and I started to think about steps of faith and the Lord’s provision in response.
Two weeks ago in church, the pastor paused during the offering time and asked people to stand who needed a job or apartment or other very tangible, very present things. I stood. For those of you who may be wondering at this point, no, I don’t need a job tomorrow. Yes, I’m still in school, and yes, this is a two-year program. But the job search roller coaster is already climbing toward the crest of its first peak, and the free fall, so to speak, is just about to begin. Resumes, networking events, company presentations… they are all firing through my brain along with standard deviations, debt-to-capital ratios, and balance sheets. I know that, as with everything else in my life, this job will come as the answer to prayer and through avenues that I cannot even begin to anticipate right now. That’s the faith element. But there is also an action requirement—to the extent that I can, I have to engage the process. It’s always a two-way street.
So, I stood in church as a step of faith, trusting that the Lord is going to provide and that my job in two years may be the result of an interaction in two weeks.
As I reached about mile three this morning on the treadmill, and was reminded of that step of faith, I started thinking about some other steps of faith in the last year, and that’s when this post really was formulated.
When we talk to people about what we’re doing right now, there are two general categories of responses. I find both of them frustrating. The first tends to be skeptical or worried—“aren’t your grad schools in different states?” (i.e., do you know you will have to live apart?) “Are either of you going to be working?” (i.e., where are you going to get the money?) “Aren’t most of the people at business school liberal?” (i.e., do you really think a business degree is going to be helpful/necessary, or is it just something rich people do for fun?)
The second response is the exact opposite—“oh, yeah, my husband and I both got grad degrees too” (yes, but your parents are both attorneys, so it would have been kind of hard for you to get out of it). “It’s probably easier for your husband to be here part time, so you don’t need a larger apartment” (you don’t understand, I actually like spending time with my husband). “Isn’t grad school great? I had so much trouble deciding between Harvard and Wharton and Columbia, but I heard that the parties here are better” (Um… Yeah, but then you tell me you better take this call from your dad because he’s the one footing the bill…)
I find these all frustrating for the same reason—being in school, for both of us, is a pillar of faith. We could spend hours retracing the faith moments along this journey—moments that date back before we were married. We didn’t really plan this, we just acted as doors opened. Yes, I am living in New York and he’s in Virginia, and no, it’s not ideal. But that was part of what we thought through as God led us down this path. And we are convinced that given all the elements that God had to orchestrate to get us here, it wasn’t something He overlooked either. It’s just a part of the process. Thankfully, we have a pillar of faith to look back on. During the 7 months before we were married, we lived apart and saw each other only on the weekends. Our relationship has already been tested by distance, and we know what the other person needs in these circumstances. The fact that we found such good living arrangements for both of us so unexpectedly is another pillar of faith. So it’s hard for me to worry about all the “what if’s” of these circumstances when I have all the “what has been’s” to look back on.
But these same pillars of faith make me frustrated when I hear all this taken for granted. Graduate school is new territory for us. We don’t even really have friends who traveled the corporate law route or went to business school. This is a BIG DEAL for us. We’re footing the bill on this one. We don’t have co-signers for our apartment, and our parents don’t own luxury car dealerships (yes, several of my classmates fall in that category). We don’t have friends in New York or know people who have lived or worked in a large city before. And no, we didn’t go to Harvard, Yale, Duke, Univ. of Penn., or Stanford for undergrad. So this isn’t just like every one of your friends and their spouse who have grad degrees. This is first generation. This is a big deal, because we couldn’t have made this happen ourselves. There are a lot of reasons this probably shouldn’t have worked out for two homeschooled kids from suburban America.
Be that as it may, it did work out—pillars of faith. Action steps as they became available. Trust that stepping out on a limb would help you see the rope swing to the next tree and not just leave you hanging.
We’re not worried—we shouldn’t be; we couldn’t have planned this if we had tried, so obviously Someone Else did plan, and I’m pretty sure He’ll keep planning. Nor are we taking this for granted. I walk on campus every day and realize that I am one of 500 people who is getting this chance out of the 5,999 who wanted to be where I am right now. I think about the job that’s waiting in October next year once law school is finished and how many people would love to be in my man’s shoes.
Beyond that, we’re not taking it for granted because there have been sacrifices. We’ve never lived on more than one entry-level salary, despite living in two of the most expensive cities in the country. Our apartment is smaller than a lot of people’s master suites and you have to climb a lot more stairs to get there. One of us rides a bike 8 miles a day to get to and from school. The other one walks 15 min. each way, rain, sun, wind… you name it. But we’re ok with all that. If you want the results, you have to be willing to push through the pain of the effort.
Just like running. Maybe that’s why I enjoy it.